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High-Conflict Divorce Attorney

The term “High-Conflict  Divorce is used often nowadays.  Like anything, the amount of conflict in a divorce exists on a spectrum.  Some couples are able to divorce amicably by just sitting down together, or with a mediator and agreeing on what's best for themselves and the children.  Some are able to reach an agreement after a few rounds of frustrating, but respectful letters through family law attorneys.  Then others thrive on the confrontation and refuse to agree on even the simplest of terms.  

There is no firm definition of a high-conflict divorce case, but cases like this have a few components in common.  First, there is usually a lack of respect and common decency shown by at least one person toward the other.  Disagreements tend to turn personal and hurtful and devolve into mud-slinging matches.  Second, the parties lack the ability to communicate adequately and they withhold information from each other as some sort of power move.  Third, parenting exchanges became an opportunity for the parties to pick fights with each other, rather than accomplish the simple task of exchanging the children. Fourth, domestic violence often exists, or at least the threat of it by one parent over the other.  Last, the parties caught in a high-conflict divorce case tend to come back to court frequently.  

This last point is the most common thread between most high-conflict divorce and custody cases.  They bounce back and forth from courtroom to courtroom every few months.  The truly tragic part of a high-conflict divorce case is that it only takes one to cause it.  You can have one person trying everything they can to avoid the conflict.  They make concessions just to avoid the headache and expense of yet another confrontation.  They plead and beg, try parenting classes, suggest mediation, all to no avail.  If one person is dead set on truly scorching the earth, divorce cases sometimes become more about damage control and stopping the proverbial bleeding than truly getting a fair outcome.

So what can be done to find resolutions in these types of cases?  If there were a great answer to this question, high-conflict  divorce cases would be less common than they are.  Solutions often exist, but they are arrived at on a case by case basis by working closely with your divorce attorney to prioritize goals and address the roots of your conflict.  

For example, some high-conflict cases are caused by underlying mental illness.  Sometimes the solution can incorporate convincing a judge to order a mental health therapy course for the other parent before obtaining unsupervised parenting time.  The same holds true if the conflict stems from alcohol or drug abuse by one party.  If there is a root cause to the conflict, a judge can prevent certain influence over the children or block contact until the root cause is resolved.

Sometimes the solution, or partial solution, can be having an attorney act as a buffer during negotiations, but to still work very hard on collaborating with the other spouse.  It is sometimes important to help them feel like they've won certain key disputes, while really making sure that your goals are met in the negotiation process.  Other times the opposite is necessary; taking a very firm stance and forcing the other parent to concede things for the sake of resolving the case.

If your ex continues to come back to court against you over and over, having your divorce attorney obtain an attorney fee award against the parent abusing the court system can go a long way towards discouraging their future filings.  Nobody in these types of cases wants to lose face by having to pay the other person’s attorney fees, and I’ve seen more than a few cases where the other parent stopped taking my client to court after we beat them resoundingly in the eyes of the judge.  A large attorney fee order can make even the most delusional parent think twice about risking court again.

Unfortunately, some cases, such as a divorce or custody dispute with a malignant narcissist, may not have such a simple solution.  The goal then becomes to minimize the amount you have to pay out of pocket in attorney fees, while just slowing the emotional bleeding caused by the other parent to the children or yourself.

I know the above information doesn’t give any concrete solutions to resolving a high-conflict divorce.  The reality is that some attorneys are more adept at managing a case against a toxic, high-conflict personality.  Judges have a notoriously difficult time at determining what is a "normal" amount of conflict and one where one party is using the courts as a way to harass the other party.  As I say almost daily, it's not what happened that matters, it's what you can prove.  Working against a high-conflict opponent requires an attorney who knows how to make a record, and create transparency so that the judge can truly see that the toxic ex is causing the conflict.  

There is no magic pill for resolving high-conflict cases.  Sometimes the best that can be done is to create a plan for both accomplishing your most important goals, and minimizing the damage caused by the other parties’ efforts to scorch the Earth.