attorney@rinilaw.com

Las Vegas Narcissist Divorce Attorney

Preparing for your day in court with your narcissist spouse? You may be worried that the judge — like so many others — will be swayed by your spouse’s ability to turn on their charm and powers of persuasion. But with some carefully laid out strategy with an attorney who is adept at going up against narcissists in court, you can help reveal your spouse’s true controlling, combative tendencies — without damaging your own credibility. 

First, you must remember that the judge will be meeting you and your spouse for the first time, so initial impressions count. Don’t expect your judge to automatically see through your spouse and give you what you want – especially if your narcissist spouse is charismatic or is a covert narcissist. In order to formulate a plan to expose your narcissist ex in court, make sure you understand how to open up their narcissistic wound.

The Psychology Of The Narcissist 

The Narcissist has designed a perfect exterior to cover their deep-seated sense of inadequacy. As long as you appeal to their false sense of self, they will value and even idealize you. But your worth is contingent on giving the narcissist the positive affirmation they crave; it has nothing to do with who you are. Your spouse may appear to love you, and may throw lavish perks your way, but they do this to manipulate you into giving them what they want. 

When the narcissist isn't receiving the adoration that they require from you, they revert to another tactic--putting you down to increase their feelings of false superiority.

If you confront narcissists about their dodgy, abusive, or exploitive behavior, they will erupt: yelling, withdrawing, gas-lighting, etc. Narcissists can’t acknowledge that they hurt you because their fragile egos would crumble. Instead, they interpret your legitimate confrontation and hurt feelings as unfounded insults: you have wounded them by making them feel less than fabulous. Therefore you must be punished.

How Narcissists Distort Reality

Narcissists are experts at manipulating people by distorting reality in subtle ways: taking facts way out of context, appearing victimized when they’re actually the victimizers, presenting themselves as perfect parents even if they do very little to care for the kids--all behaviors that are problematic in the context of a family court dispute. They do this to get a reaction out of you so they can then point out your “flaws”: you’re invariably some combination of anxious, emotionally reactive, paranoid, mentally ill, and impossible-to-please mess.

Narcissists are so crazy-making that they make you doubt the truth. This kind of behavior is called gas-lighting and it’s a form of emotional abuse. If you’ve been repeatedly traumatized, you may have become hypervigilant and over-reactive. These are normal effects from gas-lighting, but you need to learn to manage your reactions in front of family law judge so that you don’t appear to be the troubled person your ex says you are.

Uncovering The Narcissist: Show, Don’t Tell.

Legal professionals are suspicious of spouses who diagnose their partner.  So don’t show up with the DSM, pointing at your spouse as you read off the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder! If you come across as critical – and become emotional as you do so – you’ll create a bad impression. And your charming narcissist ex, with their Machiavellian ways, will appear like the reasonable one who’s had to endure an overwrought, judgmental spouse.

In order to get a legal professional to see through the narcissist’s facade, you need to get your spouse to act the way they do with you when they are NOT in court, or in the mediator’s office. The judge or mediator needs to observe your spouse behaving badly in order to believe you. This will provide evidence that no amount of explaining ever will.

How To Trigger Narcissistic Rage

The trick to triggering a narcissistic rage is for your attorney to first make your ex look good in front of your family law judge. Once you have done this, and thrown them off-guard, your attorney then asks questions to expose their problematic behavior.

For instance: your attorney should begin by asking your spouse if they love their children. Your spouse will say yes, probably swelling with pride as they do so. Continuing this line of questioning, your attorney will then ask if they believe that loving parents should be involved in their children’s lives. Again: a vigorous “yes,” and more posturing. 

Now that your attorney has appealed to their vanity, your lawyer then exposes your spouse by asking them if they were present on occasions when you know they were absent: parent-teacher conferences, doctor appointments, birthday parties. Your spouse will probably lie, so make sure to have declarations from teachers, physicians, or other involved parties to corroborate your story.

Being exposed, especially in front of people they want to impress, will trigger the narcissist’s rage. Family law judges will witness a distinct personality change and have proof that the narcissist’s words don’t line up with their actions.

An attorney who is skilled at handling a narcissist has many different avenues with which to expose your narcissistic ex.

Don’t React

Easier said than done, but massively important.  The narcissist will be careful not to directly malign you in court. Instead, they will find subtle ways to make you look bad, something along the lines of: “she tries so hard to be a good mother, but I worry that her anxiety upsets the children.” If you react to their manipulative behavior by becoming emotional or defensive, you will look like the high-strung, checked-out parent that they claim you are.

You must remain as calm as possible no matter what your spouse says about you. If you give the judge or mediator any evidence of emotional instability, they will be more likely to believe what your ex is saying.

Stick With The Facts And Stay Calm

Winning in court or in mediation requires backing up your statements with evidence. Your opinions are hearsay, but documented facts are proof. When you’re in front of a judge or mediator, pretend you’re a reporter. Presenting evidence isn't as simple as showing up to court with the right paperwork.  There are disclosure requirements that, if not followed, will end up having crucial evidence stricken.  Your attorney can lay out the evidence that provides a narrative of your ex’s character and behavior. Remember: don’t get emotional! The more you stay calm and reasonable, the more your narcissist spouse will be frustrated that they can’t get you to look bad. Your demeanor, and exposing the inconsistency between their words and their actions, will make your spouse reveal their true personality.

Are you divorcing narcissist Before their “undercover” self-centered derails the process, learn how to protect yourself by formulating a clear legal strategy. We can help. To get answers to all your questions about divorcing your narcissist ex, including parenting time and parental alienation concerns, please contact us to schedule your  initial attorney consultation. Take the first step towards securing your future. Call us today: 702-996-7170.